LIVE Coaching: Boundaries & Love With Difficult Relationships

Episode Notes

Curious about what coaching looks like?  This is a real coaching session to help you see what you can expect.  In this episode, I share a live coaching session with a courageous friend from my community. This session provides insight into what coaching can look like and how transformative it can be. You’ll hear moments of teaching, interruption to shift thought patterns, and examples of how coaching differs from traditional talk therapy.

**[00:00] Intro:**

– I explain the episode’s premise and my approach to coaching.

– Emphasis on the blend of teaching and open-ended questions.

– Acknowledgment of gratitude for my guest’s vulnerability.

**[02:35] Starting the Coaching Session:**

– My guest and I exchange warm greetings.

– She shares feelings of being overstimulated after Christmas shopping.

– I set the tone for the session: exploring challenges and finding new perspectives.

**[06:10] Life Satisfaction Scale:**

– My guest rates her current life as a 7 out of 10.

– We discuss the reasons: good coping skills but struggles with overwhelm, reactivity, and balance.

**[09:45] Identifying Reactivity:**

– She shares that reactivity often stems from feeling overwhelmed.

– I delve deeper, asking why she dislikes reacting.

– She identifies the struggle of not listening fully and reacting prematurely.

**[15:00] Addressing Childhood Triggers:**

– My guest discusses a specific instance with her mother, a recovering addict.

– Scenario: Reactivity triggered by suspicion about her mother’s actions (leaving her car at the mall).

– She reflects on emotions like fear, disappointment, and feeling let down.

**[22:15] Exploring Disappointment and Boundaries:**

– I encourage separating adult and child relationships with parents.

– She shares childhood experiences of caretaking responsibilities and how these influence current dynamics.

– We discuss unhealed parts of ourselves and managing expectations.

**[30:00] Tools for Managing Reactivity:**

– I share strategies for responding less reactively:

 – Recognizing emotional waves and allowing them to pass.

 – Having compassion for oneself when triggered.

 – Separating personal safety and well-being from the other person’s actions.

**[36:45] Shifting Perspectives:**

– I introduce the concept of “responsibility hoarding” and the false sense of control it creates.

– She reflects on how these tendencies show up in her relationship and parenting dynamics.

**[44:00] Building Emotional Capacity:**

– I explain grief and trauma as constants, using the “black dot” metaphor.

– Emphasis on growing emotional capacity to manage complex relationships.

– She considers replacing fear-driven actions with love-driven boundaries.

**[52:30] Practical Tools for Boundaries:**

– I advise slowing down decisions and creating mental space before responding to urgent requests.

– She reflects on recent boundary-setting successes and areas for improvement.

**[59:00] Clean Pain vs. Dirty Pain:**

– I differentiate between grieving past realities (“clean pain”) and unnecessary suffering caused by worrying about uncontrollable future outcomes (“dirty pain”).

– She acknowledges her tendency to spiral into “dirty pain” and commits to practicing self-awareness.

**[01:06:15] Final Reflections:**

– I highlight the importance of self-compassion and allowing emotional growth.

– She expresses gratitude for the tools and perspectives shared.

– I remind listeners that relationships, especially complex ones, are ongoing work but can improve with intentionality and love.

**[01:10:00] Closing:**

– I thank listeners for tuning in.

– Call-to-action: Leave a review and book a free consultation to tackle stress and anxiety for good.

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**Links and Resources:**

– Want to try your own session?  Book a free call: amandahess.ca

– Follow me on Instagram and share your thoughts about the episode! https://www.instagram.com/theamandahess/