The Anti-Hero: Why Nothing You’ve Tried Has Worked

Somewhere along the way, you were taught there was something wrong with you. How you looked, how you spoke, how you were in the world. So you spent years trying to prove that wrong, and no matter how hard you worked at it, you kept coming up short. You don’t feel like a hero. A lot of days, you feel like a loser. That’s where this class starts, and it’s why I called it The Anti-Hero.

This episode is the replay of the live class I taught this week, and I did it differently than I ever have. No slides. Just me, a whiteboard, and the women who showed up. In it I walk you through why the voice in your head never shuts up (it’s not what you think, and you can’t think your way out of it), what emotions actually are and why you’ve been playing whack-a-mole with them, and why shame is always a liar. I teach you the 3 steps I use with every woman I coach, in the order they have to happen: regulate, allow, think on purpose. And I tell you about the girl in the Babysitters Club books who I was never going to be, and why Loki is the character I want you to think about instead.

I also cried on this one. I didn’t plan to. I was telling the story of the first time someone said to me “you were never the problem,” and it caught me. I left it in, because that moment is the whole point of this class.

Key Takeaways:

The person you’ve been measuring yourself against was never real. No woman has ever been her, and you were handed her anyway.

That voice in your head isn’t keeping you honest. It’s your nervous system stuck in survival, and you can’t reason with a body in panic.

Regulation isn’t “calm down.” It’s pebbles on the other side of the teeter totter, small and daily, until the hard days don’t tip you.

You don’t need to tolerate more emotion. You need to grow your capacity for it, the same way you’d build a bicep.

Shame is a liar. It was trained into you, and anything that was trained in can be untrained.

It’s not “how do I do this.” It’s “who do I need to become.” You’re one belief away, not one strategy away.

Book a call with me: If you listen to this and something in you goes “oh, that’s me,” I want to talk to you. It’s a free call, just you and me on Zoom, and it might be the first time you’ve had someone completely on your side while you say the thing out loud.

Book it here: amandahess.ca/bookacall

You are not the only one. I promise you that.

Links referenced in this episode:

amandahess.ca/bookacall

Watch the class on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=po3p72xhYOE